Turbulence Induced Turrets...

I love to travel but HATE to fly! This is actually funny considering I worked for an airline during college and traveled everywhere for free on a weekly basis. I don’t hate the entire experience…I can take off and land all day long…I can cram all of the shit I find necessary to carry on a plane with me under the seat in front me…I can handle the bad breath, “silent but deadly” farts, screaming, gum chewing, loud talking, and bad conversation of the people sitting next to me. Hell I can even handle paying $7 for a cocktail if and when the need arises…what I CANNOT handle is the “OMFG this plane is going to fall out of the sky” turbulence.


Call me a chicken, a baby, a ridiculous idiot…whatever you like. But I am telling you people, this shit is serious and I have recently been diagnosed with Turbulence Induced Turrets or TIT as my not so funny friend likes to call it.

I was on my way to a super fun conference in Baltimore MD this week. A week in the middle of another one of the worst winter storms this country has seen in quite some time…and lucky me, I get to fly across the ENTIRE country to get to my destination. Yes, I know…you are jealous.

Anyhoo…the trip started out great. Boarding Zone 2 check….exit row window seat with no seat in front of me, check…iPod playlist for my trip (yes I create a new playlist for every trip…that is another blog), check. Bottle of water and Gone with the Wind tucked into the seat back WAY in front of me, check…decent neighbors who have no interest in learning about me, where I come from, what I do for a living, or where I get my pretty blue eyes from, check!

THEN….We are over someplace in the middle of the country, 2 hours from landing…I am minding my own business reading my book, drinking my diet coke, when seriously, the plan drops out from under me…what I mean is my ass actually lifted off the chair. I immediately throw my hands up to grab the roof of the plane and literally blurt the words “Oh Holy Shit”. The guy next to me grabs my soda can before I dump it all over him, and the guy on the aisle seat turns on my air and tells me to breathe. Sweet guys...and I'm quite sure I have never been so embarrassed in front of complete strangers so willing to help a crazy chick with a potty mouth.

Fast forward 4 hours to dinner and two glasses of wine when my $12 million dollar client who knows about my “love” of flying asks how my flight in was…before I can help myself, the story comes tumbling out of my mouth (I also have a serious case of verbal diahrea). Of course by now I can laugh about it...and here is the funny part…they are the one’s who diagnosed me with TIT…

Could it be any worse? Oh yea, did I mention I get to travel TWO more times this month?

Dear Baby Jesus, please help me and forgive me now and in the future for screaming out your name mixed with several profanities when that "OMFG we are going to fall out of the sky" turbulence hits ok?