Someday....

Are you one of those people who needs to know why things happen? To have complete control over a situation or it drives you nuts? Constantly question why? Are impatient to know what your future holds when you know what you want it to hold? Or worse, wonder why "bad" things happen to you or others?

No? Well you are one lucky SOB! One of my biggest challenges in life is to question everything! I want to know exactly what is going to happen and when I don't get my answers I do the worst...I THINK the worst! My closest friend calls me a leaper! And it is true! My mind just has a "mind" of its own if you will!

Lately I have been trying to let go. Stop worring about pleasing everyone or trying to control the future...calming my mind and just letting things happen as they will and being okay if they don't turn out the way I hope.

So I'm baby stepping my way through this new philosophy and BAM, my BFF the Queen sends me the most amazing note that says it all. She got it from a fellow awesome blogger The Fat Chick and I absolutley loved it so I am stealing and sharing it with you all. It is so simple it is complicated... :)

"Someday you will understand, you really will. Someday you will understand why you had to learn things the way you had to learn them. Why you have certain people in your life. Why things had to be so hard sometimes. Someday you will understand the way things fell together. The way you were rescued from catastrophes in funny and miraculous little ways. Someday you will understand how you were never, ever alone. Even though you felt alone so many days. Someday you will understand how you were led to the exact place you were meant to be, through crazy twists and turns in the road that you weren't expecting. Be patient with the journey. You may feel completely perplexed, confused and even a little lost. Just keep going. Keep smiling. Keep being you. And someday, you will look to the sky and laugh at how perfectly things happened. And that is when you will understand that it all happened exactly the way it was supposed to, just for you."

WOW! Awesome! If I keep telling myself this, my future will be amazing, even it if isn't how I "planned" it to be. And one day, I will have the answer. Even if it isn't the answer I want, I will have the wisdom to understand it. Ya know?

Happy Mother's Day...

For the last 5 years, I have dreaded this "holiday"...I walk right past the ginormous display of Mother's Day cards and immediately delete the emails reminding me that Mother's Day is MayXX and links to finding the perfect Mother's Day gift...

This is my mom....wasn't she beautiful? She was 20 years old in this picture...People say I look very much like her in this picture.

My mom passed away almost 6 years ago and I STILL cry every time I see the perfect Mother's Day card. I miss her EVERY day. I need her more today than I did 6 years ago, and I needed her A LOT back then. I want to call her up and hear her voice. I want my daughter to meet her and know who she is instead of me telling her "that's mommy's mommy", in pictures. I want to talk to her about what is going on with my son. I want her to hold me while I cry from a broken heart or feeling like a failure. I want to hear her say, you are stronger than you know it Andrea. Get your head out of your ass and move forward! You won't fail.

While our relationship wasn't always perfect as I was a pain in the ass know it all teenage girl, we became best friends in my early 20's. As I grew up, I began to understand why she pushed me so hard. She saw my potential. She never realized her dreams in life and she was damned if she was going to let me repeat what she viewed as her "failures"...She was hard on me. Harder on me than my sisters. Growing up, I resented her for it...being a mother of a little girl, I THANK her for it. She made me who I am today. Confident, beautiful, kind, funny, sarcastic as hell, successful.....

We can't pick our parents, but I know in my heart I would pick my mom. She was strong, funny, big hearted, and gave me the gift of 6 amazing sisters and 1 brother, taught us all the value of family. I know I wouldn't be who I am without her.

I love you and miss you so very much mom. Thank you for all the blessings you gave me in life!

Happy Mother's Day mom!