Genius...apparently not!

I love music. It is the most consistent joy in my life. It can put me in the best mood, make me get my groove on, dance around the kitchen, cry, bring me back to an exact moment in time, and well just make me feel better! That being said.....Am I the last person on the iPod using planet to discover the most awesome little function called Genius on iTunes? And by discover, I mean a close friend told me about it, I didn't even find it myself and I am out there ALL OF THE TIME! This is where I would make a sarcastic comment and say "genius"...no pun intended...

So...having decided to get back into working out, I needed new music to run my ass  butt of to. My old list was predictable, wasn't doing it for me, and basically sucked...

I selected Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys (judge me if you dare, but this will go down as one of my all time favorite songs! And I would bet money you know all the words and don't switch the station when it comes on the radio!) Anyhoo....I selected my song and viola! here is the list that iTunes created for me.

Now, it is fair to say I have been in a bitchy mood  funk as of late and even fairer to say I have had a disappointing health issue that made me hate exercise no interest whatsoever in working out. But I dragged my booty  ass to the gym and discovered that iTunes did me VERY VERY well! This "little" list which I share with you as a present from me, helped me walk/run 3 miles and burn over 600 calories tonight!

Of course this list was based on my music library which is ginormous. Feel free to enjoy this list the next time you need to work off some aggression at the gym. I promise, you will not be disappointed!

1. One, Two Step- Ciara
2. My Humps- Black Eyed Peas
3. Love Lockdown- Kanye West
4. Do You Think I'm Sexy- Rod Stewart (Oh yea, I've seen him in concert twice...Once with the Queen)
5. Rythym is a Dancer-Snap!
6. Right Round- Flo  Rida
7. Poker Face- Lady Gaga
8. Womanizer- Britney Spears
9. Tik Tok- Ke$ha
10. Can you Forgive Her- Pet Shop Boys
11. Wish You Were Here- Incubus
12. Everlong- Foo Fighters (My ALL TIME FAVORITE song to run to)
13. Twilight Zone- Golden Earring
14. Yeah- Usher
15. Pepper- Butthole Surfers
16. Numb-Encore- Linkin Park/Jay Z (Another gem when running)
17. Missing- Everything but the Girl
18. Fergalicious- Fergie
19. Paralyzer- Finger Eleven
20. Without Me- Eminem
21. Stonger- Kayne West
22. The Most Fun a Girl Can Have- Panic at the Disco
23. Hit that Perfect Beat- Bronski Beat
24. Shake That- Eminem
25. Brass Monkey- Beastie Boys
26. Nuthin But A "G"thang- Dr. Dre
27. Rappers Delight- Sugar Hill Gang
28. Ass Like That- Eminem
29. It's Like That- Run DMC
30. Me, Myself and I- De La Soul ( I didn't even know I had this song in my library)
31. Don't Believe the Hype- Public Enemy
32. Supersonic- JJ Fad
33. You Talk Too Much- Run DMC
34. Show Me The Money- Petey Pablo
35. No Sleep Till Brooklyn- Beastie Boys
36. Funky Cold Medina- Ton Loc (oh yea baby)
37. U Can't Touch This- MC Hammer
38. This is Why I'm Hot- Mims
39. Crack a Bottle- Eminem
40. Square Dance Rap- Sir Mix-a-lot (WTF? I know right?)
41. Switch- Will Smith
42. Go Girl- Pitbull

Thank you to my BFF for showing me what I'm sure is brand new technology...

and... You're welcome. :)

Weight Loss? No way!

Holy cow people! I'm sure many of you are wondering how my 40 pound weight loss goal is coming along. Well let me tell you, until this morning, NOT good! I am going to the doctor this week to get my thyroid thing checked out and to a counselor to get my head checked out, but maybe I don't need to do those things...

For the last few weeks, I have been quickly sinking into a pit of self despair when it comes to my yo-yo like weight. I have avoided that little black box with numbers on it for a while, and just to torture myself today I stepped on it. And guess what??!!! I have lost 5 pounds!

Stress, it is a beautiful thing. It can kill me, but at least it is going to make me skinny before doing so!

Hmmm...this new weight loss has my mind thinking a little clearer and my pants fitting a little looser. With everything going on in my life lately, such as my father being ill, my husband and I both trying to hang on by a thread, trying to lose weight, trying to make everyone else feel good about themselves, my cup is pretty much empty, I have nothing left to give anyone but my children. Not to mention the stress and heartbreak of exterminating people from my life who make me feel bad about myself left and right. But this, this kiss on the cheek from the Man upstairs, is a sign.

Let go...just let go, and everything will be okay!

Okay....I'm letting go.

Mother of the Year...

My fireplace mantel is overflowing with the trophy's people. I know you are jealous, but don't fret. You too can win a "Mother of the Year" award! We have all done it, our kids have all suffered from it, and  dammit, we should be proud of it!!!

You know what I am talking about. Those little mirrors we call children. The moments when you KNOW they are learning from you. And I don't mean when they brush their teeth, finish their vegetables, and pick up their clothes without being asked. No, I mean the moment you realize they hear every word you say and see every move you make.

There are so many stories I can recall and more get added everyday. So as my gift to you, current and future Mother's of the Year, I am going to share a new MOTY story with you each week! Please feel free to post your own, as I know I am not alone and LOVE to laugh!

MOTY Trophy #1:

My nephew turned 10 this week and we went to my sisters house for dinner to celebrate. When I asked baby girl (2.5 years old) what we should get cousin #9 for his birthday, she thought hard about it and said:
"Mommy, we should get him Smarties, Cheetos, and Nemo Fish Snacks"!!! Apparently, her 3 favorite food groups.

Oh yea, MOTY!

Bumper stickers I love, but would never put on my car...

I recently took a trip to Las Vegas with two of my sisters to plan my nieces wedding. We had a blast! While looking for goodies to bring home to my kids, we went into the magic shop in New York New York. This place was amazing. AMAZING! Every magic trick you could ever dream of!

And the best rack of bumper stickers you have ever seen. I am not a bumper sticker kind of gal, but I am DEFINITELY a LMAO kind of girl.

The following stickers made me laugh...or was it the belly full of beer and cider?? probably both...either way, here are some gems that "accidentally" ended up on my camera...Enjoy!

WTF Moments for me This Week..

Forgive me Father, and all my blog readers who have reminded me they are waiting for a new post, for I have sinned...it has been 17 days since my last post! whew...I always feel better after confession don't you?

I have no excuse except that I have been so freaking busy the last two weeks and 3 days, I have not had time to catch my breath let alone say drum up enough nerve endings or brain power to write anything that is understandable or even worth reading. This has been an interesting, emotional, hectic, hormonal, wine drinking, hair pulling, crazy week! Just some highlights and things I have been thinking about lately...

• I realize that I am not the perfect mom and I do want to give my children away at times and often think WTF was Mother Nature thinking when she allowed me to conceive? 
• I realize my expectations of people are way too high and am surprised to find myself disappointed when I hear they have acted human  
• I realize that crying hysterically for no reason can scare the shit out of your husband
•  I realize my husband considers my business travel time is vacation for me and that I should think of it that way too...WTF? 
• I realize by nature I think life should be fair and just and should suck it up when people act like selfish assholes UNLESS it impacts me personally 
• I realize PMS stands for Pretty Much Sucks to be a woman every 28 days 
• I realize that a 6.9 earthquake felt hundreds of miles away can make you seasick
• I realize being a slob impacts my husband mentally and should be more considerate when leaving my crap laying around the house 
• I realize the Powerball Retirement Plan is NOT a smart option when thinking of my financial future
• I realize that my drastic weight gain and loss is directly related to my thyroid problem.....and it is a serious motivation killer
• I realize I took my beautiful hair for granted until it prematurely started thinning and falling out
• I realize paying someone to color my hair is complete laziness and stupidity but I miss the heck out of it
• I realize if you want something done the way you want it done, you should do it yourself!
• I realize setting a 30 day sex goal after 13 years of marriage is impossible and am just setting myself up for failure
• I realize I am deeply disturbed and very disappointed in Nike for paying Tiger Woods what i'm sure was a grotesque amount of money to clear his image by using VOIP of his father...I would be happier if it was an ad showing his wife kicking his ass
• I realize that 2 days in Las Vegas is all I can handle and afford
• I realize Let it Ride, while fun to play, has the WORST odds in the house
• I realize after helping plan my nieces wedding, there really is a drive thru wedding chapel complete with a drive thru menu...I assume "server" is the minister...see:

• I realize no matter how many years someone lives, they will always say life if short
• I realize that while advances in medical technology have helped to extend the life of the human race, it can also prolong the inevitable which is brutal and sometimes cruel
• I realize my children are watching me and DO hear everything I say as demonstrated by my daughter when putting her babies to bed..
• I realize I need to yell less
• I realize a good pair of ear plugs IS a necessity when you have a 2 1/2 daughter whose scream pierces the sound barrier
• I realize I need to be a more positive person and that wallowing in self pity just makes people want to run in the other direction when they see you coming
• I realize hormones can f*ck a woman up! And any man within a 5 mile radius of said woman for that matter
• I realize that crying does cleanse the soul, but so does a good bottle of wine
• I realize that while smoking is absolutely the most disgusting habit on the planet, I miss it at times (no worries, I WILL NOT pick up this habit again)
• I realize I interrupt a lot, but am always interested in what people have to say
• I realize every woman should have girlfriends for their mental, physical and spiritual well being and I have been blessed with the best group of them on the planet
• I realize I miss my friends VERY much when they are on vacation, I am on vacation, or just have not seen them in a while
• I realize that while Lolos Fried Chicken and Waffles is VERY yummy Weight Watchers would probably arrest me for eating there
• I realize that you are never too old to color Easter eggs
• I realize that baking is therapeutic for me and, thanks to a couple of my favorite blogs, that homemade cupcakes are THE BEST!

• I realize that too much stress and Diet Coke can cause chest pains that resemble a heart attack
• I realize life comes full circle and so does everything in it
• I realize lipstick CAN make you feel better about yourself
• I realize it is those people who have presented the biggest challenge to me have been my best teachers, even if it was to show me what NOT to do, say, act, etc...
• I realize that my mother is looking down on me laughing her ass off seeing me deal with my daughter who I can only imagine is doing to me EXACTLY what I did to my mother
• I realize the heart IS big enough to forgive, but will not completely heal until you truly forget
• I realize I write this blog for myself and nobody probably reads it, but I LOVE when somebody leaves a comment.. :)

I could go on forever, but will stop now...I realize blogging at work is probably not the smartest idea on the planet.
XOXOXO